AutCasts Recommends: Neurodivergent Memoirs
AutCasts Recommends: Neurodivergent Memoirs
A round-up of some of my favourite neurodivergent memoirs featuring Squid Horse, Hannah Gadsby, Chloé Hayden and more!
Since my autism diagnosis almost three (!!!) years ago, I have read A LOT about autism and neurodivergence more generally. While much of this reading has consisted of books which explain autism, ADHD or other neurodivergencies to me, I have actually found memoirs to be far more helpful in understanding my own experience and unravelling the complexities of living as a neurodivergent person in a neurotypical world. There is something incredibly powerful in seeing yourself reflected so acutely in the experience of others - despite diverse racial, sexual, gendered, class and other identities - after a life of feeling alone, isolated and frankly alien.
I was lucky, in a way, to be diagnosed amidst the boom in neurodivergent writing and publishing of all kinds. Memoir, in particular, seems to be having a moment. It has to be said, however, that memoir writing, in general, is very white. Memoirs published in the neurodivergent space also reflect this trend, far more so than other genres from what I can gather. As readers and writers we should be demanding representation from and inclusion of a far greater diversity of voices and experiences across publishing.
Nevertheless, I am excited to share some of my favourite memoirs from the neurodivergent canon. As you might suspect from a cohort of neurodivergent writers, many of the books featured here are not pure memoir, but a reinterpretation of the genre. We have essays and workbooks, self-care strategies paired with self-reflection, vulnerability and comedy, all within the same cover sometimes. I hope you enjoy reading these books as much as I have!
Welcome to AutCasts, a free bi-weeekly newsletter by writer, Aisling Walsh, exploring neurodivergence through cinema’s oddballs, misfits & rebels!
The Weird & Wonderful Surviveries of Squid Horse - The Mollusc Dimension
Surviveries is a neologism invented by Squid Horse, the protagonist of this memoir, to explain the intersections between surviving the structural violences of racism and homophobia and the possibilities for coexistence with others:
An amalgamation of the words “ survive”,“convivial” (co-exist) and “jardinerie” (French for garden centre). It’s pronounced “ sir-vy-veries” (where “vy” rhymes with “ bye”).
I cannot think of a better way to sum-up the contribution that Squid Horse makes to the canon at this time. Described as a comic memoir, illustrated and written by the British East Asian artist The Mollusc Dimension, The Weird and Wonderful Surviveries of Squid Horse (WWSSH), takes us on a non-chronological, thematic journey through various episodes of Squid Horse’s life and past or alternate personas.
In 80 short pages of vivid illustrations, we see Squid Horse negotiating his relationship with his parents, teenage angst, terrible (and some wonderful) educators, mental health struggles, clashes of gendered and cultural expectations as the child of East Asian migrants growing up in the UK, sexual exploration, gender transition and the grief provoked by the early loss of his father. Squid Horse also provides brief, but specific, insights into particular historic moments of the recent past. He explores what it meant to be East Asian in the UK during COVID-19 when coronaracism was rampant and negotiating his visibility during the #metoo movement as a trans man who had been impacted by multiple incidents of workplace harassment and violence. During the #metoo movement, Squid identified as a trans man and for the past few years, has identified as trans-masculine and non binary.
As an added bonus, Squid Horse provides suggested reading breaks, points for further reflection, resources and self-care tips. He consistently revindicates the right to rest in the face of a capitalistic ideology of ceaseless productivity.
I love the colours of WWSSH: from soft pink, to purple, inky blue and forest green, all on a mix of cream, grey or lavender backgrounds. This palette feels deliberately chosen to match Squid Horse’s mood (sometimes humorous, sometimes tearful) or the tone of the story being told. We encounter some of Squid Horse’s most difficult episodes when the colours clash or feel uncharacteristically harsh. Other episodes are drawn in vivid, almost jubilant colours, hinting at moments of wonder experienced by Squid Horse as he begins to redefine joy.
WWSSH launches this very evening in the UK! You can order WWSSH here and you still have the chance to attend the online launch on October 28th.
Letters to My Weird Sister - Joanne Limburg
Growing up I always wanted a sister, someone to confide and seek solace in, when the harshness of the world got too much. And what better than a sister who was just as weird or out of step as me? Family circumstances dictated that I would never have such a companion, but in Letters to My Weird Sisters, Limburg comes as close to creating a feeling of kinship with other historically misunderstood women as I have come across.
Beginning with Virginia Woolf and ending with Katharina Kepler, Limburg takes us on a poetic journey through the lives of four historical women, some of whom hardly left a trace beyond scant archives. We are confronted with the stark reality of early abuse, the institutionalisation of disabled women and accusations of witchcraft.
Written as a letter to each of these women, Limburg explores the resonances in experience that she feels as an autistic women and feminist, without ever crossing the line of providing a posthumous diagnosis for her weird sisters. These letters reflect how the gendered impacts of neurodivergence can often be overlooked: “many of the moments when my autism had caused problems, or at least marked me out as different, were those moments when I had come up against some unspoken law about how a girl or a woman should be, and failed to meet it.”
Limburg’s weird sisters may or may not be neurodivergent but they were misunderstood in their lifetimes and Limburg explores her sense of kinship with them based on the echoes of shared experience. Her skill as a poet is visible throughout the book with evocative prose that brings these women to life. She invites the reader to find compassion for ourselves and these women who, for one reason or another, were considered odd, weird, uncanny or even dangerous by wider society.
You can order Letters to My Weird Sisters here!
Plums for Months: Memories of a wonder-filled, neurodivergent childhood - Zaji Cox
“That simple label, ever-changing and ever-evolving, for minds with different wiring.”
This is how Zaji Cox describes her understanding of her autism diagnosis, something her teacher insists on calling Aspergers, even though the author, and likely the reader, knows this term has become more or less redundant. This glimpse into her childhood understanding of her own mind is just one of many memories Cox gifts us throughout her memoir.
Through precise and poetic vignettes, we see Cox encounter second-hand plastic dinosaurs who’ve long lost their voices, attempts to make a home of a 110 ten year old house full of mice and spiders, the sensory joy of watching her sister chop firewood and mystical encounters with the black cats that congregate around her house, which feel reminiscent of the gothic and uncanny of Practical Magic or Carmen Maria Machado’s Her Body and Other Parties.
Cox does not trouble herself to provide a comprehensive explanation of what autism is. And why should she? There is plenty of literature available to read on the subject. Rather, we are treated to an intimate glimpse into her mind, passions and obsessions, creativity and acute observations, where her neurodivergence is the filter for understanding and interacting with the world around her. Cox’s memoir explores family dynamics, racial identity, poverty, the transition from child to teenager, negotiating friendship and how school very often doesn’t suit us, even when we’re considered “gifted.”
I came across Plums for Months on Autism Books by Autistic Authors Project and it has been one of the most pleasurable reading experiences of the last few months. You can learn more about Cox on her website and order a copy of Plums for Months here!
Different Not Less - Chloé Hayden
If had to pick a person who sparkles, someone who embodies autistic joy, it would be the Australian writer and actor Chloé Hayden. From the over of Different Not Less to her glitter-filled Instagram feed, Hayden’s unapologetic celebration of her neurodivergence has encouraged me to seek out and recover those feelings of intense joy, which I’ve often found too few or too fleeting.
If I’m honest, when I first came across her work I thought she was a bit too much. The colour, the energy, the zest for life, made me feel deeply uncomfortable. But my discomfort was rooted in envy, because I saw something in Hayden I felt I’d lost, perhaps even smothered, in the morass of social rejection, trauma and grief I had been dragging around with me since childhood. Or worse, perhaps I had never felt such joy at all? Perhaps I really was dead inside?
But as Hayden shares so candidly, this is not the full story. Her Instagram feed, as well as her memoir, detail significant struggles with mental health, self-acceptance and many of the difficulties with social interaction that are all too common for neurodivergent people living in a neurotypical world.
Like most of the memoirs discussed here, Different Not Less, explores the challenges of school, sustaining friendships, sensory sensitivities, shutdown and melt-downs. She is open about chronic illness and mental ill-health, particularly her experience with eating disorders. She gives advice on seeking a diagnosis but also picks apart the diagnostic criteria, highlighting the huge gaps between what is included on the DSM-5 and how many neurodivergent people, particularly women, gender queers or BIPOC, might actually experience autism or ADHD. Finally, Hayden encourages readers to find our joy - eye sparkles as she calls them - through the pursuit of the things that move us, our passions or our oft-pathologised special interests.
Hayden pulls of an incredible feat here: she has written a compelling narrative of her personal experience of neurodivergence and an accessible guide to neurodivergent self-care, locating her story and her advice within a deeply politicised framework that recognises the structural injustices faced by neurodivergent and disabled people. Don’t let the glitter or sparkle fool you, this book is very much rooted in the neurodiversity movement, forwarding a vision of radical acceptance where neurodivergent people are allowed to be joyfully different.
You can order Different Not Less here!
Ten Steps to Nanette - Hannah Gadsby
Hannah Gadsby is one of the most high-profile autistic people of our times, and certainly does not need the minimal publicity provided by this humble little newsletter. But I could not leave their memoir out this list. I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to a memoir more than the release of Hannah Gadsby’s Ten Steps to Nanette early last year. As one of my favourite comedians, I was also itching to see how the person responsible for my initial suspicion that I was autistic, had come to this discovery for themselves. This is not the first time I have written about Gadsby. I’m an unashamed fangirl!
Though ostensibly about how Gadsby came to creating their career-changing show Nanette, this memoir gives us a much deeper insight into the life and mind of the famous comedian. They construct a compelling narrative about what it meant to grow up gay (albeit closeted) in rural Tasmania at a time when homosexuality was still criminalised. They take us on a candid journey through their early academic floundering, periods of career and housing precarity and how they came to realise they were neurodivergent, pursuing an ADHD diagnosis and an autism diagnosis shortly afterwords. The narrative, even the hardest parts, is full of warmth, humour and many laugh out loud moments.
The diagnoses actually come fairly late in the memoir but it is clear that, while neurodivergence is not the central focus, it’s a vein that runs subtly throughout. We see the author relearning their life through the neurodivergent lens and finding compassion for their younger self, particularly in the aftermath of abuse, homophobia and sexual violence. Gadsby also provides a fascinating insight into the world of comedy and how, no matter what it may look like from the outside, or to those of us who only heard about Gadsby when Nanette aired on Netflix, creative careers are rarely made overnight.
Gadsby had not come out as non-binary when Ten Steps was released but I’m hoping they might provide a second instalment with reflections on gender, fame and the seemingly inevitable backlash of existing as a gender queer, autistic person in this incredibly hostile world!
You can order Ten Steps to Nanette here!
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Dearest Gentle Readers,
I was mortified to discover a typo in the title of my last edition of this newsletter just minutes after sending it out. It read ‘Bast from the Jungle’ instead of ‘Blast from the Jungle’ - essentially ruining the whole word-play and making me feel like a Class-A idiot (I know, I know, ableism)! I usually read my posts out loud to myself more than once before publishing (after many re-reads, I might add) to spot any errors but this is where my ADHD and autism seem to most frequently clash. My autistic side needs all my posts to be perfect and feels like a failure if there is the slightest typo. My ADHD side, however, hates the minute attention to detail required by proofreading an over-familiar text and wants to get on to the instant gratification of pressing the ‘publish’ button as soon as possible.
So anyway, the error might have cost me a few subscribers but I’m grateful to the rest of you for sticking with me. If you do ever spot any typos reading this newsletter feel free to ignore them or point them out - gently - in a DM! ;)
These are brilliant, Aisling! Thank you so much for sharing. I’m definitely ordering Hannah Gadsby’s book now, and I've added some others to my list. The website for books by autistic authors is such a valuable resource as well.
I totally get you on the pedantic perfectionism around typos! Not that I noticed any, and I’m sure most others didn’t either. But the self-criticism I can fall into when it happens drains my energy. I end up looking back at the writing I did years ago and cringing at the errors and grammar faux pas. At the same time, it’s a good reminder of how far I’ve come, even if it’s still not perfect—and likely never will be.
I’ve always struggled more with grammar, sentence structure, and flow than spelling, but thankfully I have digital tools now to support my original thoughts alongside my own process of reading aloud. Have a good weekend!
Typos happen. It’s how we know it’s you writing and not a bot. TBH I missed the typo because my brain autocorrected so the punchline made sense. Maybe that was just me, but I bet very few readers noticed or were bothered by it. This is all to say: please don’t be too hard on yourself. ❤️